Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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