Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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