I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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