Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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