That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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