this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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