you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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