Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
