My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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