but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
