I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
