Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
