Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
