I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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