you turned your livingroom into a bong?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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