I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
