I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there's paper in my vomit.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
