genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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