Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize