Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
