These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
