checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
