Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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