Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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