My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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