Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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