dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
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It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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