Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
