I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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