I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Houston, we have a blender
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
