Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
