I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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