I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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