Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
