I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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