Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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