the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
