we have officially lost it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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