No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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