he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
