WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
