Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
