i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize