think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
