Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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