Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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