Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
