He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
