Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
