Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
