legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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