No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
organizing the empties. That sober.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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