his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Even my vagina gasped.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
