The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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