dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
