the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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