omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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