she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
