I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My hand turned me down
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was like eating out sand paper
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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