so that wasnt chicken after all
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
