Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
