so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
