Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
