here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
