I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
